Signs, Labels and Warnings
- Outside a second-hand shop
- We exchange anything — bicycles, washing machines etc.
Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
- Dog For Sale: Eats anything; especially fond of children.
- At a (now closed down) shop in Crawley
- we regret
- On an airline packet of peanuts
- Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
- In the window of a health food shop
- Closed due to illness.
- At a motorway garage
- Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not
be worth much but our petrol is.
- At the side of a Sussex road
- Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
- In a German café
- Mothers, please wash your hans before eating.
- Announcement on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando
- When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and
watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and
watch your language. Thank you.
- Job advertisement in a 1998 newspaper
- Applicant must have 5 years experience with Windows 95.
- Traffic sign
- Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour.
- At a tennis club
- Would spectators please be quiet during matches and let the players
raise a racket.
- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box
- Do not turn upside down.
- Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires a person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to
growth of family.
- In a London office block
- Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
- At a dry cleaner’s shop
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
carefully by hand.
- On a set of personalised club party invitations sent to a girl
- No All-Male Parties.
- On a laboratory bottle of distilled water
- If you get this liquid in your eye, rinse carefully with water.
- In a Loughborough pub
- Anyone found possessing, distributing or using any kind of
drugs will be banned from the premises and reported to the
I’ve also seen similar signs in other pubs. Do these
places really have no idea what they’re selling?
- Two notices at the cloakroom of a Loughborough nightclub
- We cannot accept small items such as handbags, cameras, mobile
phones and purses. We will not accept liability for items left in
the pockets of jackets/coats left in the cloakroom.
Secure your mobile phone for a 50p fee.
- On a church notice board
- Thinking of ending your life? Let us help.
- At a safari park
- Warning: trespassers will be eaten.
- Opposite sides of the label on a tin of paint
- Child safe, lead free multi-purpose enamel.
Keep out of the reach of children.
- Checkout screen at video game shop, for Ultimate Brain Games
- ULTIMATE BRA £29.99
- Restaurant menu at a hostel in Finland
- Big bowel of olive.
- At a Cheltenham pub
- Does your wife drive you to drink? If so, ask her to drop you off here!
- On the food menu of a pub chain
- Fishes swim. In order to do this they need bones. Please be careful as some of our fish may still contain them.
- On a container of cookies in a café
- Please use tongues to pick up cookies, not your hands.
More funny bits |